Feeling rather down now. Although paper 1 has already ended. Shouldn't I be rejoicing?

Thinking about friendships in my life.

Okay today I think a bit too much, maybe.

First, I saw Songlin on the bus this morning. Totally dao. You know how it feels to be ignored by a friend that you were once close to? Okay maybe me and him not that close but come on, how long have we been friends already. Since p3(as I rmb). Wow if you dont know, it's about 6 years.

You know HOW MUCH I envy people who has friendships that were from kindergarden or p1? Like dennis and edeline. You know how hard this kind of friendship is to find? I want such a friendship too. Felt so hurt being ignored. Am I so not worth it?

Am I really that unworthy?

Another question that I always ask myself in my head. Wish someone could tell me.

YES, I AM THAT UNWORTHY, HAPPY?

Then suddenly thought of friendships now. Where's Amelia and Weiting?

I miss them. But it's like they have already moved on and have their own friends and own cliques. Only people like me yingying sharmaine chenfeng zhikai, have not moved on from the past. Maybe we loved too much. Too much love on 205.

I like spending with my 304 girls now. May Joey Shien Huihui Noreen Yingzhen. I love them. Finally after so long in this class, I found people to rely on. It's good to find some place where your heart can rely on and feel happy. In these people, I found the place.

Choir is still my escape, but recently things are breaking apart for me. I love singing, that's no doubt. But the things, the people in choir, it's tiring.

Today went for these talk on a 6week trip with the sch to Beijing. I really want to go. But it's during intensive training for choir in preparation for SYF. If it was the last time me, I will be firm and say, I DON'T WANT TO GO EVEN IF HOW MUCH I WANT BECAUSE I WANT TO BE THERE FOR MY CHOIR. But the now me is telling me, I SHLD GO BEIJING BECAUSE IT IS A NEW EXPERIENCE. Even if I really did not go Beijing and go for practices for SYF, it will only because of the cca points. I'm being straightforward here. For the past, I can firmly say how much I love my choir and how much I want to do for my choir. But now, look at what's happening. I'm tiring of worrying. No one told me that being in choir, you have to worry so much OTHER then singing well. That's definitely NOT THE TRUE PURPOSE of being in a choir.

You can tell me, since I'm in the exco of choir, I shldn't be thinking this way. But HELLO? I'm human too and in case you didn't know, I am a person who cannot handle stress. Everyone is tired. Can I just be a member and care about nothing other than doing my part as a member and sing well.

I'm not that strong as you think I am. Sorry if I gave you the wrong impression that I'm a strong person.

Back to the days when life is without you.

Haven been blogging recently, mostly cos I'm busy or just simply lazy.
Many things happened to my life recently, loss and gain.
Mostly I can thought of, is loss.
But I don't regret my decision. Since I made that decision, I will not regret it.
Thanks yingying, for being there for me in my times of need and advice.
No one wanted this kind of ending.
But at least, it ended rather beautifully for me.

Yesterday was Mid autumn celebrations, bascially screwed performance.
No one's fault, but can't help to have that strain in the heart.
After all the hardwork. After all the sweat.
Screwed.

Shall not say more about it, I'm just simply tired.

EOYs are in about 2 weeks' time. So quick. Shall start mugging for them.
Zoning out.

there's never a right time to say goodbye. but i wish you find happiness.

Yesterday's Comm lunch with NHCHOIR & HWACHONG CHOIR.

Minshi took this during teacher's day. The cloud is nice:)

I envy them. Will we be the same too?

Well realise my blog is rather boring. But still, I dont care cause that's just me:)

Been quite a hectic week this week.
Mon's sch.
Tues is Teacher's Day!
ACES day and Mass walk to Clementi woods park again -.-
Concert was not bad. Dance performance was........not best but THE BEST.
Chiong back to JPS.
Saw lots of old primary school friends and ate at JPS. Wow the food thr is still as delicious and CHEAP as ever.
One big cup of milo only cost 40 cents. WOW. JPS's milo is the best milo I ever drank in my entire life.
Miss primary sch life sooooo much.
Mrs Shum wasn't there. She had to take care of her kids. Jovan? Haha.
Saw huang lao shi. Still as PRETTY as ever!
Oh yeah this time I finally managed to give Minshi her present which I personally made for her during last year Nanhua's Openhouse?! Haha, hope Minshi like the keychain I made for her! :)
Got out of sch quite early and slacked at the void deck nearby.
Was quite frustrated with the guys cos they were so undecisive about whr they wanted to go.
In the end we went NO WHR.
Slack at the playground near the canal for 2h plus. Like what we always do. Every year!
Went home.




Ok actually I totally no mood to blog today. Tired + I cant figure out my thoughts.
Days been slow for me recently.
Yingying's words kept ringing in my head. To put in more trust and faith. But how am I suppose to do that when you are doing this? Stop killing my spirits. Suffering inside, and tears well up my eyes. I don't want to keep wiping off my tears anymore. What should I do?

Want to tell but I don't know where or even how to start. Someone, anyone, tell me what to do.

也许是累了吧，也许本来就是不匹配的恩赐。和你相识如像一场梦，你曾经是我的火焰，焰火般的照亮了我的世界。如今，我只能在黑暗中默默地遗憾。
-叶灼
Quoted from Meteor Garden 2(China Version)

SADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

I want a hug too :)

2nd post of the day.

Well, realise I'm quite a bad friend because I haven been going to people's blogs and understanding their problems they are facing deep inside their heart, behind the mask that they have to fake everyday. I know it hurts a lot. So here, I want to say something.

Post dedicated to 2 very special people.

1) Hor YingYing

2) May Ong

First, to my best girlfriend, Yingying:) Well I read your blog and realise you are always irritated by this irritating person(which i dont know who) and you always sound quite fed up in all your post. Maybe it's cos this week we haven been talking a lot so I haven get to know about the details, but I just want tell you, dont waste your time getting angry and fed up about people who are not worth mentioning about and these people who are irritating are just maggots who are rotten people.

We cant stop rotten people from rotting because they are rotten-ed but we can deal with them by throwing them at the back of our heads and heck care them :)

You know, there are still good friends behind you to support you! Whenever you are tired, you can just look back and you can be assured I'll be behind you and lending you a shoulder to rest on! Although my shoulders not that broad and comfy but still, Jieling will always be here! :D

Next, to this also special person whom I only met this year but still special, May :)

Read May's blog and realise she was really really upset about this 5-day CO prac. If it was me, I'm sure that I will also be very upset to hear that there is a 5-day Choir prac, although I'm one of the Top 6. Still, 5-day prac is a torture. Not only for Choir(cos I bet if u practice for 5 days non stop u will DEFINITELY lose your voice), but also for CO.

But, I'm sure the committee or teacher-in-charge or whoever-decided-on-this-thing must have his/her reason for it. So dont be too upset and always be happy!

Dont let your passion diminish because it's something very special and it's a one-of-a-kind thing. Passion is the drive which keeps you moving. The drive to do better,the drive to strive for more,the drive to play your instrument better, and for me, passion is the drive which keeps me holding on to this Choir and not giving up on it and at the same time, not giving up on myself because I'm not going to let Choir fail at my batch. So jiayou! :D

Last but not least, for both Yingying and May, here is something Hillary once told me when I was down. Hope Hillary doesn't mind I copy her words here.

''These things bring me down, and look as if they will bring you down, but hey, just put on a smile, and eventually your mask, will become a part of you.''

Just to want to say, sometimes it's okay to put on a mask because this is a form of protection but be sure to share your troubles with someone who can understand :) It will make you feel better too!

*refers to the picture above* Jieling can give you free hugs! :)

If you realise, this is the chocolate that Mr Wong gave for ppl who got A1 for the Physics Class test on Refraction! But he gave us the dark chocolate de. Mine is Milk chocolate! HEEHEEHEE MY FAVVVVV.
All Milk Chocolates ROCK.
Never mind about how much fat it will bring me, BUT CHOCOLATE BRINGS ME HAPPINESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! :D
Even talking about chocolates makes me go HIGH.

Well I'm bored to death at home, as usual.

Shall end this post with the hilarious photo of my sis.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Bye :)

Really glad that the 3 selected ppl did their reflections on the 2 choir practices this week!
Totally lighten up my day today! :)
Gogogo to http://nh-choir.blogspot.com/ now!
:D

Currently watching Meteor Garden 2 the China version now. Getting more sad and sad.

Commons is over,which is a good thing, but now I totally have nothing to do at home.
Other than using the comp, watching tv, sleep, eat, thr's nth left for me to do.
Boringggg. Realise EOY is in 6 weeks' time. Yet don't have the sense of urgency to study.
Hopeless.

Tues is Teacher's Day! As well as Aces Day, not to mention. Mass walk in the morning again. I really hope that it rains in the morning! :D :D :D PLS PLS PLS RAIN :)
Gonna meet up with all pri sch friends and I'm so excited :)

Wed gonna go out with all my 205 beloved :)

Well I suddenly thought of this:

My Sec 3 life will also be ending in a few months' time and my sec 4 life is already prepared.
I still rmb ranting abt 304 at the start of this year, saying stuff like 'I hate 304' or those i-am-emoish-cos-i-am-not-happy-in-my-class stuff. It felt like only 1 month ago but it has alr been more than half a year. Time goes so fast, things changing for me so fast. But I certainly hope friendship doesn't change, people doesn't change.

But people won't always stay the same. People always change to adapt to their own environment, to adapt in order to live better in it. People change because they want something.
What do you want?

Has anyone told you that you have changed? Think about it.


----------------------------------------------------------------------
Realise my every post is like reflection on myself.
You think so too?

Hey thr everyone!

One more week to sch end.
Everything seem to go so fast. It felt like sch just reopen-ed from June holidays.
But now only left 1 week to sch end.
Not like I'm sad that sch's ending but I'm sad that time is going so fast.


Sch was fine today, as usual.
Went home alone today, suddenly it hit me while I was walking to the bus stop that it's been a long time since I went home alone. Feels weird, but not too bad.


Going to the 198 bus stop brings memories. Sitting on that bench waiting for the bus brings memories. Memories that I will keep them close to my heart. Sometimes I do regret,though. I would be lying if I say I did not regret my decision. But, reality is just like that. Nothing now can be brought back to the past.


Saw Martin when I got down the bus. In fact he was on the same bus as me, just that I was too dumb to notice cos I was so sleepy. Talked to him for a while, did he grow taller? Haha maybe. All the while he was very tall. Teacher's Day is coming and I going back to JPS! *excited*


We parted and I started thinking, things are not as awkward as it was before. We are good friends again. That's a good thing :)











Been ignored by someone recently and it pisses me off and hurts me too. Heard frm others that he currently jio-ing someone. Maybe this is good for him. But still, that doesn't give him rights to ignore me and blah blah stuff like that. Complained to Jaslyn and she said, 'OH THIS IS NORMAL WAT.他就是这种人.' Hmm. Maybe 你真的是这种人，只是我之前没有看清你.

Ok today found out sch 2nd floor lift lobby got my (PRETTY) photo. Here it is................................................................................................................................................

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Ta-da!
Haha unglam much but that was taken in sec 2! Didn't realise my fringe was so long.

Haha tat's all for today :)
Byebye :D

Make me wanna continue trying.
Dont make me wanna give up on trying.
Stop killing my emotions and seriously,
Stop dampening my spirits.

Sometimes just dont feel connected. Maybe it's cos of the ppl, maybe it's cos of the environment, or maybe, it's cos of me. Feel like there's a river that is between me and them and they wont walk to me cos that river might just kill them and I'm too afraid to step to the river becos they dont wanna try. 1 year plus more to go. Cant possibly live like that. Miss 205 badly. BADLY.

But still, a big thank you to some really nice ppl in my class like May Joey Noreen Huihui Shien and I like laughing with them. Although most of the times we are all laughing at Noreen's stupid comments or actions. Cos she's our joke :)

Thanks to HOR YINGYING and SHARMAINE TANHUIMIN, I managed to survive through this months. Thanks to Choir, for being my all-time escape from the busy Sec 3 life. Thanks to all my fav choir buddies and special thanks to my Choir Comm Top 6!

Thanks to you, being there for me even when I cry in front of you and when you ask me what happened I dont tell you and you just simply said, 'Cry, and after crying, things will be okay.'
Thanks to you for always singing at my ear when you know your singing sucks but still continue singing cos ur singing makes me laugh.
Thanks for making me feel safe.

I LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU THAT I MENTIONED IN THIS POST. :D
Bye :)