Feeling rather down now. Although paper 1 has already ended. Shouldn't I be rejoicing?

Thinking about friendships in my life.

Okay today I think a bit too much, maybe.

First, I saw Songlin on the bus this morning. Totally dao. You know how it feels to be ignored by a friend that you were once close to? Okay maybe me and him not that close but come on, how long have we been friends already. Since p3(as I rmb). Wow if you dont know, it's about 6 years.

You know HOW MUCH I envy people who has friendships that were from kindergarden or p1? Like dennis and edeline. You know how hard this kind of friendship is to find? I want such a friendship too. Felt so hurt being ignored. Am I so not worth it?

Am I really that unworthy?

Another question that I always ask myself in my head. Wish someone could tell me.

YES, I AM THAT UNWORTHY, HAPPY?

Then suddenly thought of friendships now. Where's Amelia and Weiting?

I miss them. But it's like they have already moved on and have their own friends and own cliques. Only people like me yingying sharmaine chenfeng zhikai, have not moved on from the past. Maybe we loved too much. Too much love on 205.

I like spending with my 304 girls now. May Joey Shien Huihui Noreen Yingzhen. I love them. Finally after so long in this class, I found people to rely on. It's good to find some place where your heart can rely on and feel happy. In these people, I found the place.

Choir is still my escape, but recently things are breaking apart for me. I love singing, that's no doubt. But the things, the people in choir, it's tiring.

Today went for these talk on a 6week trip with the sch to Beijing. I really want to go. But it's during intensive training for choir in preparation for SYF. If it was the last time me, I will be firm and say, I DON'T WANT TO GO EVEN IF HOW MUCH I WANT BECAUSE I WANT TO BE THERE FOR MY CHOIR. But the now me is telling me, I SHLD GO BEIJING BECAUSE IT IS A NEW EXPERIENCE. Even if I really did not go Beijing and go for practices for SYF, it will only because of the cca points. I'm being straightforward here. For the past, I can firmly say how much I love my choir and how much I want to do for my choir. But now, look at what's happening. I'm tiring of worrying. No one told me that being in choir, you have to worry so much OTHER then singing well. That's definitely NOT THE TRUE PURPOSE of being in a choir.

You can tell me, since I'm in the exco of choir, I shldn't be thinking this way. But HELLO? I'm human too and in case you didn't know, I am a person who cannot handle stress. Everyone is tired. Can I just be a member and care about nothing other than doing my part as a member and sing well.

I'm not that strong as you think I am. Sorry if I gave you the wrong impression that I'm a strong person.

Back to the days when life is without you.

Haven been blogging recently, mostly cos I'm busy or just simply lazy.
Many things happened to my life recently, loss and gain.
Mostly I can thought of, is loss.
But I don't regret my decision. Since I made that decision, I will not regret it.
Thanks yingying, for being there for me in my times of need and advice.
No one wanted this kind of ending.
But at least, it ended rather beautifully for me.

Yesterday was Mid autumn celebrations, bascially screwed performance.
No one's fault, but can't help to have that strain in the heart.
After all the hardwork. After all the sweat.
Screwed.

Shall not say more about it, I'm just simply tired.

EOYs are in about 2 weeks' time. So quick. Shall start mugging for them.
Zoning out.

there's never a right time to say goodbye. but i wish you find happiness.

Yesterday's Comm lunch with NHCHOIR & HWACHONG CHOIR.

Minshi took this during teacher's day. The cloud is nice:)

I envy them. Will we be the same too?

Well realise my blog is rather boring. But still, I dont care cause that's just me:)

Been quite a hectic week this week.
Mon's sch.
Tues is Teacher's Day!
ACES day and Mass walk to Clementi woods park again -.-
Concert was not bad. Dance performance was........not best but THE BEST.
Chiong back to JPS.
Saw lots of old primary school friends and ate at JPS. Wow the food thr is still as delicious and CHEAP as ever.
One big cup of milo only cost 40 cents. WOW. JPS's milo is the best milo I ever drank in my entire life.
Miss primary sch life sooooo much.
Mrs Shum wasn't there. She had to take care of her kids. Jovan? Haha.
Saw huang lao shi. Still as PRETTY as ever!
Oh yeah this time I finally managed to give Minshi her present which I personally made for her during last year Nanhua's Openhouse?! Haha, hope Minshi like the keychain I made for her! :)
Got out of sch quite early and slacked at the void deck nearby.
Was quite frustrated with the guys cos they were so undecisive about whr they wanted to go.
In the end we went NO WHR.
Slack at the playground near the canal for 2h plus. Like what we always do. Every year!
Went home.




Ok actually I totally no mood to blog today. Tired + I cant figure out my thoughts.
Days been slow for me recently.
Yingying's words kept ringing in my head. To put in more trust and faith. But how am I suppose to do that when you are doing this? Stop killing my spirits. Suffering inside, and tears well up my eyes. I don't want to keep wiping off my tears anymore. What should I do?

Want to tell but I don't know where or even how to start. Someone, anyone, tell me what to do.