Feeling rather down now. Although paper 1 has already ended. Shouldn't I be rejoicing?

Thinking about friendships in my life.

Okay today I think a bit too much, maybe.

First, I saw Songlin on the bus this morning. Totally dao. You know how it feels to be ignored by a friend that you were once close to? Okay maybe me and him not that close but come on, how long have we been friends already. Since p3(as I rmb). Wow if you dont know, it's about 6 years.

You know HOW MUCH I envy people who has friendships that were from kindergarden or p1? Like dennis and edeline. You know how hard this kind of friendship is to find? I want such a friendship too. Felt so hurt being ignored. Am I so not worth it?

Am I really that unworthy?

Another question that I always ask myself in my head. Wish someone could tell me.

YES, I AM THAT UNWORTHY, HAPPY?

Then suddenly thought of friendships now. Where's Amelia and Weiting?

I miss them. But it's like they have already moved on and have their own friends and own cliques. Only people like me yingying sharmaine chenfeng zhikai, have not moved on from the past. Maybe we loved too much. Too much love on 205.

I like spending with my 304 girls now. May Joey Shien Huihui Noreen Yingzhen. I love them. Finally after so long in this class, I found people to rely on. It's good to find some place where your heart can rely on and feel happy. In these people, I found the place.

Choir is still my escape, but recently things are breaking apart for me. I love singing, that's no doubt. But the things, the people in choir, it's tiring.

Today went for these talk on a 6week trip with the sch to Beijing. I really want to go. But it's during intensive training for choir in preparation for SYF. If it was the last time me, I will be firm and say, I DON'T WANT TO GO EVEN IF HOW MUCH I WANT BECAUSE I WANT TO BE THERE FOR MY CHOIR. But the now me is telling me, I SHLD GO BEIJING BECAUSE IT IS A NEW EXPERIENCE. Even if I really did not go Beijing and go for practices for SYF, it will only because of the cca points. I'm being straightforward here. For the past, I can firmly say how much I love my choir and how much I want to do for my choir. But now, look at what's happening. I'm tiring of worrying. No one told me that being in choir, you have to worry so much OTHER then singing well. That's definitely NOT THE TRUE PURPOSE of being in a choir.

You can tell me, since I'm in the exco of choir, I shldn't be thinking this way. But HELLO? I'm human too and in case you didn't know, I am a person who cannot handle stress. Everyone is tired. Can I just be a member and care about nothing other than doing my part as a member and sing well.

I'm not that strong as you think I am. Sorry if I gave you the wrong impression that I'm a strong person.